you turned your livingroom into a bong?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
