how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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