Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
