I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize