Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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