Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
