just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
