Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
