i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize