Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
