Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize