Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
