just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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