i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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