Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
