You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
