Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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