How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
