I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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