he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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