Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
