Christians are straight up FREAKS
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
