The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
