Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
