I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My cat gives me a boner
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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