I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
