Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
