Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i think i just lost a toe
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
