Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize