Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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