It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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