I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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