Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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