I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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