I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
