If i come over, it means nothing
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
