I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
