dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
