my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A bitchslap is in order.
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