proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
