TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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