While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
