Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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