if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
