Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
