my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
