dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
