I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
