So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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