it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
