Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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