I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think your dad took our porno
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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