I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need to stop coming to work sober
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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