So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
