U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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