I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
