Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
