I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
