I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
