I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
