seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
