so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
